Summary: Director Paul Anderson wonders idly if anyone would buy another ticket to a clip show he pretends is a movie starring his wife. In this ‘final’ chapter Alice, the ‘Never asked for hero’ gets to shoot more stuff, in places no one cares about, seeing familiar faces no one remembers and forming minute long bonds that she will pretend lasted a lifetime.
The movie has action and likes to pretend it has drama. There is nothing new or interesting in this film other than discovering what Umbrella and the T-Virus were all about (according the movies not the games). I suppose in some universe where a person can somehow focus through the constant cutting of basic actions the fight scenes might be quite good, however this is not that universe and I am not that person. Furthermore things just happen in this movie, people will come into the scene without ever being introduced properly by the camera and then promptly die leaving the audience wondering ‘who was that person?’ Though Capcom may have mercy and, in light of their successes with Resident Evil 7, decide to take the franchise back and maybe give it a reboot. Please do not think due to the ‘Final Chapter’ title that this is inevitable, it is quite clear that they do not intend to stop making these unless actually stopped.
Overall I fought HARD not to look at my watch, and I lost that fight. Every second of the movie felt like a waste of time because honestly the whole thing could have been over in 40 min if shot effectively meaning I give it:
Spoliers past this point, if you haven’t seen the movie then now would be the time to move on.
I refuse to believe in a world where someone makes something as technologically advanced as the Red Queen that they would bother to make it able to hook up to a dot matrix printer. I feel that the person who even wrote that in the script refused to think about it as he wrote. I’m also pretty sure RQ hooked up to it remotely, which is… impossible. Unless someone made a dot matrix printer with bluetooth/wifi capabilities… I mean if you’re going to do stupid shyte like that may as well get a wireless router for dialup while you’re at it.
In any case in case you feel my score was a bit low and wondered what I thought was so bad about it here is a small sampling of the questions I had while watching this movie, in no particular order:
DO ANY OF THESE REVELATIONS EXPLAIN ALICE’S MISSING SUPER POWERS AND WHY UMBRELLA DIDN’T DROP EVERYTHING TO REPLECATE THEM??
Also can someone on this planet please explain why Ruby Rose is in everything? Like she is one of those actors that is suddenly popular and you assume it’s because they did something awesome you didn’t see, but then you look them up and it turns out that is patently untrue. Michelle Rodriguez was that person to me for a while, until I saw Girl Fight and understood why anyone would give a single fluff. However Ruby Rose is the Paris Hilton of actors, just all over the place for no reason, and by no reason I mean you could put any average actor off the street in her role and the result would be the same or better. I mean sure she is a famous model, but what talent does she have that’s worth upping the price of casting over? What’s worse is she seems to be bad for most roles she’s in because of her Australian accent, meaning the plot either has to make an excuse for it like Black Matter or make her mute like John Wick. Even in Orange is the New Black they slipped her in like I wouldn’t notice, but her Australian-ness was used to further neither her character or the plot so it just felt weird when up against so many characters who were so well defined by their origin.
I think Hollywood is trying to force feed me Ruby Rose.
I don’t think I like it.
~ A. Clarke, Writer & Animator